I feel like I’m standing up at a support group: “Hello, my name is Lindsay (hi, Lindsay) and my son has Oppositional Defiant Disorder.” It’s actually a relief to say it here. I never tell people anymore. Why? I feel like I get one of two responses. The first is someone who feels sympathy for me, and then treats my son like he has some communicable disease. They want their kids to stay away from him, lest their precious well behaved children are tainted. The second response is almost more infuriating, because there is no way for me to combat it. It’s when people say something along the lines of “I get so sick of doctors making up all these conditions so that they can medicate disobedient kids. What he needs is a good whooping.” Um, thank you? You’re right, it’s simply my own failure as a parent that has my child acting this way. Why didn’t I think of that!
Those of you who are reading this who have kids with ODD know I DID think of that. Every night, and every morning, for the last eleven years, ever since I realized that something was seriously wrong with my relationship with my child… I had an older daughter, and she was a completely different story. Amanda has always been a compliant child. We would tell her to do something, and at the very worst, she would whine a little, but we could always trust that it would happen. I assumed that it was due to my parenting style, and that my other children would be the same. What a humbling experience I had when I had Ryan!
Ryan was never as easy as Amanda. At first I assumed it was because he was a boy, and they are so different. As he became a toddler, and I was around more and more of my friends’ kids, that even other boys weren’t at the same level as Ryan. I love Ryan so much, but that love has often been an effort for me. He can be so rude and disrespectful, and frequently downright hurtful. I have to become accustomed to abuse from him, from being cussed at to being told that I’m a
failure as a mother. I wasn’t sure if I should be hugely relieved, or hugely disappointed when his doctor diagnosed him with Oppositional Defiant Disorder. I felt a little better as a mother, because his behavior was not simply due to my failures, but at the same time it seemed like such a hopeless situation, because if he had a condition that was influencing his behavior, there was nothing I could do. I was so wrong!
Now, I’m a huge sucker for infomercials, I love watching them. I own a magic bullet, and my husband and I have recently started P90x, the workout program. Each of these decisions was due to being sucked into an infomercial. I was watching TV one night, and saw an infomercial for The Total Transformation. What I saw immediately drew my attention.
The same day I saw the infomercial had been a pivotal day in my parenting as well. I had genuinely reached the point where I thought there was no other option for us than to send Ryan away to military school. He had lied to me (again!) about where he had been that day, and wouldn’t answer his cell phone when he was out. I had a strong suspicion that the kids he was hanging out with had become involved with drugs, and I was terrified that Ryan would get sucked into this lifestyle (he was only fourteen!!), so every time he went out (not that it was always with my permission, but he would sneak out of his window) I would require that
he take his cell phone. I was so tired of hearing that he didn’t answer because had forgotten it in his friend’s car, or that the battery had died, so I took it away. It wasn’t a pleasant scene. I had lost my temper, and was screaming at the top of my lungs. He was cussing and screaming right back, and I was finally reduced to tears. I grabbed the phone and slammed his bedroom door, yelling that his dad and I were going to put an alarm on the house so he couldn’t leave anymore without waking everyone up. I went upstairs, and wasn’t surprised to see him riding off on his bike a few minutes later. I threw my hands up in the air and thought “I don’t even care anymore, what else can I do?!” I knew I was lying to myself though, my heart was completely broken.
I thought that I had made a good decision by taking away his phone, and I was determined to stick with that decision. I went out to pick up some groceries for dinner that night, and as I started to back the car out of the driveway, I noticed something was amiss. I got out and looked, and sure enough, all my tires were flat. Ryan had let the air out of each of them. My first reaction was to be infuriated. I kicked the tire and screamed, tears coursing down my face. Why couldn’t we just have a normal kid?! Why did I have to fear retaliation if I disciplined him? Why did I have to live with someone who would constantly lie to me and say hurtful things? I sat down on the garage floor and just cried, deciding that we were out of options and he’d have to go away to some sort of boot camp for disturbed children.
That night, my stomach was in knots. It relaxed a little when I heard the front door slam and I knew Ryan was safely home, but the ache returned when I realized that he didn’t even care to come in and say goodnight, the way my daughter always used to do. I walked downstairs and opened his door and whispered good night to him. I got no response. I went back to bed and turned on the television to help me fall asleep, and to get my mind off of things. I was so tired of constantly questioning every decision I had ever made, and wondering how I was going to fix everything. Why couldn’t we just be a normal family?! The Total Transformation infomercial came on, and instantly made the tears flow all over again. When they described the life of a family with a child that had oppositional defiant disorder, they might as well have been putting my life on the screen! I cringed as I saw parents reacting to their ODD kids. Did I sound like that? Even though it was a little pricey, I knew it would be worth any amount of money if it worked. How could I put a price tag on peace within our home?
When I saw the description of the program, I could instantly see how life changing it might be. I recently read a quote that said “People need to be reminded more often than they need to he instructed.” How true that quote is! There is nothing earth shatteringly new in The Total Transformation program, it is all things that you have probably thought of before. The program, however, teaches you to be purposeful about applying these principles in a timely manner. It initially challenges you to change your core beliefs as a parent. Then it provides an easy to follow system that will help you cover all your bases. You never have to go to bed feeling like a failure, because the program will address those issues later, you just have to take it one day at a time. It keeps you from getting overwhelmed by trying to change everything at once. It was easy for us to stay on track through each of the lessons. Total Transformation not only changed how I thought, but taught me how to apply all of the parenting skills that I knew I should try, but had never known exactly where to start.
Since I’ve become way too long winded in this post, I’ll save my description of the program for a separate post. Let’s just say, however, that the program has completely and totally changed our lives. Within a week of purchasing the program, I noticed a dramatic difference in Ryan’s behavior. I was feeling calmer, more in control of my emotions. We finished it eight months ago, and to this day we are a very different family! I parent differently, and I react to situations differently (even if I’m dealing with a person cutting me off in traffic rather than my child!). Ryan has become a joy, because we understand him differently, rather than a burden. Our relationship is completely altered. I can now say that I’m proud of my oppositional defiant disorder child (oh how I would have laughed a year ago if I heard myself saying that!). I think that because of the troubles we’ve had to overcome, we are stronger than most people. If we can come through what we’ve been through, we can handle anything!
If you are struggling with the same issues I was having, check out Total Transformation. They are running a promotion right now that allows you to try it for 30 days, and return it if you don’t see a dramatic difference in that time. I highly doubt you’ll be returning it!
*I like the Total Transformation Program so much that I became an affiliate marketing partner. Although I receive compensation from Legacy Publishing for orders placed by customers who first viewed my website, my website reflects my true experiences in using the program. I published this review after going through the entire program and using its techniques. If you want to help turn around your child, this is an affordable, effective way to do it.
